Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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