So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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