I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
