I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
