You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
