I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
