just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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