it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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