He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
