I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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