I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
