ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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