You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize