He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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