In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
