I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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