how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
