I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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