yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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