We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
