drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
