I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
