You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
