I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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