So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
