i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
