I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
