Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
