There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
