i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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