1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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