just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
