I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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