He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
