I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
nutella sex= disaster
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
