literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
