cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
