Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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