u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
