nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
