I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My sheets look like a crime scene.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
