3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
