we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
