My balls are so social today.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
