one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
