you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
