I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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