The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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