I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
