I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
