so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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