No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
