So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
