I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
