fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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