i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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