I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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