thus making me awesome and them whores
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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