He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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