When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need a beard to bite.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
