we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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