I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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