mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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