Its about making memories worth repressing
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
