you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
