That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
