when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
