Betty ford says i'm here all night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
