I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
