How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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