i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
