i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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