I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
